Sexy & Guilty

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I was raised Catholic… I was a believer… I wanted to do the right thing, that’s why I always did as I was told.

My parents avoided talking to me about sex, they thought: “the least she knows the better”.

That was me: A 22 year old virgin at college. No experience with boyfriends or relationships, hard worker, nerd, and very talented.

But I’m not here to talk about how I lost my virginity, I’m here to share my feeling about how being sexy sometime makes me feel guilty for how people take it.

I couldn’t be myself, I let others to tell me what to do. I wasn’t happy with whoever I was. But it was written in the bible right? “we’re all called to be saints”

After a while I started dancing and I remember I had to sneak out my parents house for practice and show performances.

Art as a way of expression and inspiration finally helped me discover the real me. I finally found a place to fit for who I am and the more I was myself the better.
Performing was like breathing; being onstage, wearing a dance costume and do as your heart is told was amazing. My body changed, I got way comfortable with outfits that highlighted my sexiness and sexy moves were my thing.I loved being sexy and the woman I was becoming: confident, happy, capable to do anything I wanted. What supposed to be the right didn’t feel comfortable for me… what supposed to be wrong was my comfort zone. Had to get out of the closet… the closet is not only for LGBT people. We all have a closet we need to leave behind.

I was born this way, artist, sensual, sexy, and don’t even have to force it… it comes out naturally and it’s my identity. The sexy Yulz was living somewhere in me but was oppressed in my own body, couldn’t get out and once she did, I saw the light.

Couldn’t continue being religious because I’m not good at hypocrisy: I’m a sinner, I totally have sex out of marriage, I drink, I love and support LGBT people, I rarely pray, I don’t go to church, I’m an artist, I’m a boudoir model AND I DON’T REGRET ANY SIN.

But finding and discovering ones identity entails discrimination from other women and men, and the whole society.
Nowadays people get offended with anything that has to do with sexual content on social media

Sexy women are defined as whores and easy; guys won’t take you seriously as you look like the woman they would fuck but not the woman they would marry to. They perceive you unreachable so they express that energy and vibe by making offensive comments as they know they have no chance to date you.

Girls in the other hand will see you like the woman her husband would cheat on her with. Or like “the friend who’s fucking my husband on my back”

Other people just feel offended by such sensuality and could be because they’re too religious, or are afraid of their own feelings when watching a sexy girl content, or are just jealous of such confidence and courage they can’t have for being oppressed by society.

But yeah, I feel guilty sometimes as I get discriminated for being sexy; people set me apart, other people just start hating me before getting to know me for the way I look, friends won’t talk to me, girlfriends are afraid I would steal their men, people don’t feel respect for me anymore because I do boudoir photoshoots or I’m a dancer, or  I’m wearing shorts at a B-day party and showing off my spectacular legs…

But you know, I’m happy, I’m happier than you that discriminate and point out people like me, call me however you want, think whatever you like, I’ll always be myself and happy for leaving my freedom.

We are sexy because that’s our identity, not because we NEED or WANT to get fucked by some stranger.  We’re sexy because we fucking love ourselves the way we are. We’re sexy because we’re blessed with confidence, we’re sexy because we don’t feel oppressed by society and don’t care what others think or say.

We’re sexy and we can still be smart, funny, strong, fall in love, be married, be loyal, be mothers, grandmothers, run a business or have important jobs.

Hey, we’re like LGBT people, we have the right to have a normal life like everybody else, the fact that we love our bodies and we’re too sexy, doesn’t make any difference… YOU MAKE THE DIFFERENCE by thinking of us in the wrong way.

Patience and love is all we need to live in harmony.

 

Love,

Yulz


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